MADNESS

What is happening to me?, what is this feelings?,

the feeling of being left out, being all alone..

which is slowly consuming me every sec its getting heavier dragging myself in a spot where I stand alone facing towards a sea with chilly winds blowing around me standing in a shade of a old tree, dry leafs falling due to wind an this guy standing there totally blank his eyes has no light a dim dead eyes with cold face looking for a reason to be alive. it seems his world has been over..

What are this emotion? im not hurt but I'm still burning from inside feeling tired, can't think anything properly feels like I'll faint feels like shit. just from where did all this emotion came from? was i hiding too much was I not being myself? is this me? is there someone like me?

i don't know myself.. what is happening to me. it's like someone else has overtaken me. I feel a hole in my chest I feel something missing in me. I'm completely losing myself. I don't know what I'm saying? what I'm thinking.

This overwhelming emotion comming out together from me. A life where i don't have anything how I'll be when life wouldn't go as i planned it's showing me how I'll be when I loose myself when I loose everything important too me when I loose people I trusted when I lose people who were important to me when there won't be anyone to whome I can go. when I will finally give up on myself when I start giving things more important than me then I'll lose myself I'll lose my worth I'll lose everything in this World. that's what this feelings are showing me.

Yess now i understand it.. it's been soo long since i laid back since i let my guard down and said it's okay to take a day off. I've been working & working & working exhausting myself trying to put out a strong front mentally. not getting fazed by anything not showing any emotions whenever someone trying to push you down. not getting affected by defeat. standing even in loss working for your self burning that vision of being better day by day it exhausted you. so it want's you to stop for sometime showing you the version that you feared to become to make you hault for a moment and look back how far you came. 

That version of yourself was something you didn't wanted to be so you changed yourself you learned everything yourself thought everything yourself was there for yourself gave a hand to yourself cried yourself you are everything you thought can make you better you placed your foot on stairs where one can climb over or fall down. you made life thrilling with your own decision people often step back from chances but you are creating them and the thrill of not knowing will you succeed or fail but the feeling the excitement gushing down your spine the overwhelming feeling of you making a change making a progress it really feels exciting. 

Really.. just what is this thoughts one moment I'm sad then other moment I'm excited.. life is crazy.. or is it me?

just what is this madness..